July 17, 2012
-
(written on 5 March 2013)
Just one picture really matters today; the picture of Daniel back on the train to the airport. It was at around 4 in the afternoon and we’d already spent a day in town. In the morning we’d taken a tram 24 down to Heinekenplein where we went to De Taart Van Mijn Tante, the cake shop we’d gone to with Sarah and Paula as well in what seems like an eternity ago. Not just one piece of cake with coffee but two pieces of cakes with two cups of coffee. Each. Why not spoil ourselves on a day like this?
We walked back into town with Daniel trying to find appropriate gifts to take home with him. He found a very nice present for his step-dad in the Levi’s shop on Kalverstraat, namely a nice checkered shirt. We returned to the apartment which already looked uncannily empty with all of Daniel’s stuff back in his suitcase and bag, and collected all the luggage for a last walk to the station. The train was waiting to depart so after a very quick hug, the Kid got on board and the doors closed just after I hastily snapped the above picture. And the train rode off and after a month of being “the Kid”, Daniel was on his way to a new life in London, where he’ll start University in September.
I returned home, walking slowly, and at home just felt completely deflated. I don’t have a relationship and I don’t have children, and even though there was and is definitely no relationship between him and me, there certainly was some bizarre sort of ‘father-son’ feeling between me and Daniel (I don’t call him the Kid without reason), meaning that there were times that he could have driven me crazy, but also that there were many more times in the past month when I was very fond of him being around, and proud of the things he was doing in Amsterdam. It’s very difficult to explain in words, but tonight, sitting alone at my computer table again, I felt as if a huge vacuum had replaced Daniel – and that was a horrible feeling. I packed my bags (feeling very glad that I had moved my holiday forward by two days so that I wouldn’t have to be in this apartment on my own for two more days) and went to bed early. Of course because I have to catch an early flight tomorrow. Well, that was my excuse anyway. Go well, Daniel.
