January 26, 2012
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Amsterdam, Netherlands
It doesn't happen very often but last night it happened again. I woke up at 1:52am in the middle of the night and was bright awake. And then the thoughts came. The worrying. The endless thoughts spinning in my head relentlessly. About my financial situation. About the financial situation of my team members in Cape Town. About the fact that my gross salary once more stayed the same this year, while my net salary went down, and while inflation in this country increased prices by 5% in the past two years. About how in South Africa prices went up by 10% in the past two years (believe me, I looked up all the percentages in the middle of the night.) About the question if that situation would be changing anytime soon or whether I would have to take action myself. About how much the repairs on the house would still cost me. About how I could possibly start saving again. And all that in a seemingly endless roller coaster ride of emotions in the darkest of the night. It's bizarre how financial worries, whether they are realistic or not, can keep you awake and can tire you so much in the dead of night, exactly the time when there's absolutely nothing you can do about them.
So I got up repeatedly to get some distraction from my computer, so I watched a video a couple of times on my iPod, so I put on the radio, so I was lying there, thinking and thinking. And then, finally at just after 5, I returned to the land of dreams. Only to wake up an hour and a half later because it was nearly time to get up. Needless to say that I felt pretty exhausted the whole day. I guess yesterday's swim didn't really get rid of all frustrations about work so easily. I'll have to go back to the pool tomorrow.
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